Mostly Silence

What does it mean?

Make a call and hardly an answer.

Too busy? On the train? Disinterested?

 Send numerous text messages and receive one-line response. 

Too busy? On the train? Disinterested?

Worst fear is simple disinterest. And I can't say I don't blame anyone.

I created the worst case scenario and have willfully been ignorant of the most likely outcome. 

Kimono

Well, I spent New Year's Eve in the hospital. New Year's day was spent running around visiting the hospital and buying supplies.

Finally, I finished up around 3:30 PM and headed back home. Took a quick nap and later fed the dogs and took Dale for a long evening walk.

I wanted to buy some apples not only for myself, but also for Dale and Mary. Unfortunately, I failed to realize that it was January 1. The supermarket was closed and the local drugstore was closed as well. 

I ended up paying about ¥2000 on junk food at a convenience store instead. I have a bad habit of binge shopping when I am a little hungry. I regret spending so much on crap.

To make matters worse, I ordered a cell phone cover. The one I have now is fine, but I risk scratching the back since it is only a bumper. Again, I wasted about ¥5000 of which I don't really have and can barely afford.

In terms of usability and product preservation, the Apple leather case is still my favorite choice. 

I just hope to God that the leather came from domesticated animals that were killed for their food I nstead of dogs, which is a more common practice in China.

For the past three days, I have been wishing and hoping that I had the financial resources and freedom of time to spend New Year's eve and New Year's day with him.

Considering what has recently happened, I will be busy taking care of and invalid and will have no time to spend with him.

I wouldn't be surprised if he wrote me off, and moved on to someone better. It would break my heart, and that I would be able to understand fully.

I was really looking forward to spending time with him and taking pictures of him in his Japanese traditional kimono!

Karma is a bitch!

Frost Woodwork

Winters are quite mild these days. Just a little bit of frost on the fields nearby.

Yesterday was incredibly warm and comfortable. 

On the Way back from making a visit to the hospital, I came across this classically Showa era built wooden house.

Considering the age of the building, the condition peers to be relativy a quite good. 

I would like to Imagine that the woodwork on the interior is quite beautiful and hopefully preserved in its original manner.

Stroke

December 30th was a good day. But the last good day. 

It was the beginning of a descent into incoherency. I saw the signs and willfully ignored them. 

Wrought with guilt, I feel numb with regret. I betrayed the confidence and responsibility entrusted to me. 

It's too late now. At 6:43 p.m. on New Year's Eve, I called the ambulance but the damage was done. 

Life has changed course in only a day. Any hopes or aspirations I ever had are gone. Conditions can only get worse from herein.

I know that self pity does no one any good. But it's hard to shake it off. I truly wonder if I should haven't been born. 

Everyone I know has suffered from associating with me. 

Shonan Bay

Nijigahama Beach in Hiratsuka is about a 40-minute walk from Hiratsuka Station on the Tokaido Main Line, which is about an hour train ride from Tokyo Station. 

The beach is not appealing to beach goers or sunbathers due to the lack of easy access. Thus, local officials don't spend to much effort or dedicate many resources to keeping the beach clean of debris that washes up on shore. 

The sand is pretty much like most beaches on the Bay of Shonan: sticky and black. 

For these reasons, this mostly deserted beach is great for fishing, or for playing catch and disk with your dog since there  are no other beach goers in sight except for a lone fisherman casting nets.

On a clear day, you might even be able to catch a glimpse of Mt. Fuji in all her glory. Regardless, I like this beach a lot for the simple reasons that it is not rocky, and that there are no crowds!

Skeleton

Take the soul, bleed it, and devour.

Grimm carcass of yesteryear bleaches in the sun.

Wind, sand, and ice, erode naïve aspirations.

No more to stand upright with pride.

Best Approach

What is the best approach?

Pumping gas exhaust fumes into a sealed interior and automobiles?

Slitting your wrist while lying in a tub of warm water?

Jumping in front of a fast moving train?

Stepping into traffic just is a large truck gets close and lacks enough time to break safely?

Take an overdose of sleeping pills and antidepressants all at once but some alcohol?

Stop taking my meds and falling victim to the various diseases that will outright kill me over a year or less?

Is it possible to starve oneself to death?

I don't have to go back to work for a week due to the holiday season. Is there someway I could do myself in that could allow insurance companies to pay my depenants a large enough sum money to take care of them in their future?