2016-01-05

Treading

One language, two tongues.
Message is received, misunderstood, then lost.

Like reflections of piercing light bouncing off a glass shard trembling in the wind on a thread.
Focus is blurred. Eyes are blinded. Questions remain unanswered. 

Gray darkness envelopes your soul.
You struggle towards the light. The quicksand draws, clings, and greedily inhales.

Where are you? 
Who are you? 
What have done?

2016-01-04

Counterintuitive

Maybe he's waiting. But I'm not there.
Maybe he's listening. But I don't talk. 
Maybe he's coming. But I run away.
Maybe he's trying. But I give up. 
Maybe he quitting. But I keep hoping. 

Erosion

Too late now.
Most likely lost my chance.
Chained to a wall, with no help in sight.
Meds muffle the voices in my head, while eroding any passion I have left.

Beyond the Darkness


時間がかかる。
時間が無い。
お金がかかる。
お金も無い。
愛情を送る。
受けてくれない。
夢があった。
間に合わない。

2016-01-02

Mostly Silence

What does it mean?

Make a call and hardly an answer.

Too busy? On the train? Disinterested?

 Send numerous text messages and receive one-line response. 

Too busy? On the train? Disinterested?

Worst fear is simple disinterest. And I can't say I don't blame anyone.

I created the worst case scenario and have willfully been ignorant of the most likely outcome. 

Kimono

Well, I spent New Year's Eve in the hospital. New Year's day was spent running around visiting the hospital and buying supplies.

Finally, I finished up around 3:30 PM and headed back home. Took a quick nap and later fed the dogs and took Dale for a long evening walk.

I wanted to buy some apples not only for myself, but also for Dale and Mary. Unfortunately, I failed to realize that it was January 1. The supermarket was closed and the local drugstore was closed as well. 

I ended up paying about ¥2000 on junk food at a convenience store instead. I have a bad habit of binge shopping when I am a little hungry. I regret spending so much on crap.

To make matters worse, I ordered a cell phone cover. The one I have now is fine, but I risk scratching the back since it is only a bumper. Again, I wasted about ¥5000 of which I don't really have and can barely afford.

In terms of usability and product preservation, the Apple leather case is still my favorite choice. 

I just hope to God that the leather came from domesticated animals that were killed for their food I nstead of dogs, which is a more common practice in China.

For the past three days, I have been wishing and hoping that I had the financial resources and freedom of time to spend New Year's eve and New Year's day with him.

Considering what has recently happened, I will be busy taking care of and invalid and will have no time to spend with him.

I wouldn't be surprised if he wrote me off, and moved on to someone better. It would break my heart, and that I would be able to understand fully.

I was really looking forward to spending time with him and taking pictures of him in his Japanese traditional kimono!

Karma is a bitch!


Frost Woodwork

Winters are quite mild these days. Just a little bit of frost on the fields nearby.

Yesterday was incredibly warm and comfortable. 

On the Way back from making a visit to the hospital, I came across this classically Showa era built wooden house.

Considering the age of the building, the condition peers to be relativy a quite good. 

I would like to Imagine that the woodwork on the interior is quite beautiful and hopefully preserved in its original manner.